Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Got Truck?

Does the world make you feel "small", no matter how many nights you put in at the gym?

Introducing the cure for small—the Titan XL Panacea. It says I’m on the road now. And I’m in control.

The sheer force of its testosterone-inspired styling blows slow-moving traffic out of the way. Your path clears instantly when drivers get a glimpse of the Titan XL Panacea’s ferocious grille. Yes, the days of being stuck behind indecisive mopes are over.

Want more?

The Titan XL Panacea’s patented “AweForce” protects you from traffic citations because it renders law enforcement agencies awestruck. And if they can’t talk, they can’t ticket. From now on, speed limits are things for other guys to worry about. You've got AweForce.

But it’s not all about vehicular intimidation is it? No. Sometimes it’s about the love. And the Titan XL Panacea has you covered there, too. The optional testosterone diffuser means the ladies are always available—even if they detest your politics and the smell of rotting deer flesh.

Go ahead and toss that Axe bodywash; there isn't a woman above ground who can resist the scent of pure testosterone.

And the diffuser easily converts during hunting season to dispense whatever scent you need to attract that prize kill. Deer urine or elk hormones, the Titan XL Panacea can handle it.

Best of all, respected medical journals report that Titan XL Panacea owners enjoy an average 36% increase in penis length, and a 21% increase in circumference post-purchase.

Yes, the Titan XL Panacea is a game-changer. No more pills, syringes and embarrassing suction devices that just don’t work. No more worries that you don't "measure-up" to other guys.

And check out the Titan XL Panacea’s guns and ammo locker. Let that tree-hugger in his Prius honk. You’re reloading.

And because the Titan XL Panacea can accommodate up to fifteen firearms and three-hundred rounds of ammo, there’s a whole lot more of where that came from, isn’t there?

It's no accident the Titan XL Panacea doesn’t come in green.

The Titan XL Panacea is all the truck you’ll ever need. Or want. Feel its hot, hard steel. The stiffness of its beefed-up, hydro-formed chassis. And the continuously-erect suspension mounts that keep rubber pressed against asphalt just the way you like it.

Direct your eyes to the Titan XL Panacea’s massive hood-mounted power bulge. It can barely contain an eight-liter aluminum block V-10 now engorged with a class-leading five-hundred and fifty horsepower. Yeah, there’s a y chromosome here all right.

The Titan XL Panacea. Don’t negotiate—dominate. Climb in and feel what it’s like to be a man.

(Socio-sexual performance attributes apply only in vehicular environments. Characteristics are not transferable to bedroom or office environments and said transfer is neither expressed nor implied. The Titan XL Panacea starts at $19,732. As shown $36,212. Does not include tax, title and licensing. Destination charges apply.)

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