Last March, I wrote about the struggle to initiate my health insurance
with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois.
Despite
receiving (and paying) two bills, I remained without coverage. I was
told several times that while the bills correctly listed my chosen plan
and ID number, I didn't exist in any database that would lead to
actual coverage.
I
had to wait—even if the bills didn't.
In
that post, I concluded that Blue Cross' billing department seemed to
be the only one able to accomplish anything, and as such ought to be
running the show.
That
was premature. It turns out they just needed a little time to
catch-up to the rest of the company.
From
January through July, I was able to pay my bill via telephone,
ensuring next month's coverage was, well, covered. It was the only
aspect of my plan that was simple, consistent and trouble-free.
But
simple, consistent and trouble-free don't jibe with the BCBSIL
business model. Complicated, labyrinthine and convoluted do. Which
are the reasons I presume OrbiPay was discontinued.
In
place of OrbiPay on the August bill was a phone number which didn't
contain the promised functionality (at least if the prompts
on the menu can be believed). Who knows, maybe if I had recited the Magna Carta in Latin, farted three times and screamed “Death to ObamaCare! Let a
free and unregulated marketplace decide our health care choices!”
it might have relented.
After
several excruciating attempts, I resorted to calling OrbiPay, where
lo and behold I was able to make my payment.
September
and October have presented larger challenges.
The
number listed on the bill again refused to reveal its check-by-phone
option in September, and despite being listed on the BCBSIL web site,
OrbiPay was no longer in service. I at last reached a human being by
dialing a third number and overriding its voice
recognition software.
Things
didn't go so smoothly this month.
OrbiPay
is still dead—and still listed on the BCBSIL web site. (What does
it cost to update a web site, anyway? Fifty-million? A
hundred-million? A couple hundred bucks?) The number listed on the
bill, which again promises to accept payments by phone, won't accept
mine. Ditto the number I used in September.
I
finally reached a human being after launching a stream of invectives
into the receiver at the voice recognition software.
The
operator who answered was not able to tell me why my payment had been
refused, nor why OrbiPay's number is still listed on the BCBSIL web
site. She was able to offer a one-time telephone payment that
is somehow different from other telephone payments so that my account
might be brought up to date.
Remarkably,
the story doesn't end there.
Yesterday
I received a customer service questionnaire from BCBSIL, which is
certainly laudable. It wanted to know how they did.
I
clicked away at the 'Take Our Survey' button, eager to respond.
The
little round icon in the upper left-hand corner that tells me the
browser is searching for the page went 'round and 'round and 'round. Then it
went 'round and 'round some more. It stopped about the time I began
to think I was watching the introduction to Vertigo.
The
result? Server Not Found.
I
realize now fault lies with me. I expected something. And that is
where I consistently go wrong with Blue Cross Blue Shield of
Illinois.
If
I wasn't so exhausted by the struggle to deliver money to a
multi-billion-dollar health care behemoth, I'd accuse them of wanting
to be a non-profit. Or some other kind of dirty, filthy Obama-styled
socialist.
But
we all know what a joke that would be, don't we? This is a company
that eliminated credit cards as a method of payment. Guess those swipe fees were killing them.
I
can hardly wait for the inflated premiums and astronomical deductibles I am told lie in wait for Illinois customers in November.
I'm
sure they will be difficult to pay as well.
