A New Perspective

A televangelist in Louisiana by the name of Jesse Duplantis has opened my eyes—if not my wallet. He has taken my thinking to a plane I never knew existed. Where the world once seemed cloaked in mundanity and limitations, it is suddenly a fantastical place awash in possibilities.

Yes, the Right Reverend Jesse has liberated me.

Regular readers of this blog will recall that I recently purchased an automobile. A new-to-me 2015 Honda Accord Sport. It was a sensible acquisition; one entirely grounded in economic prudence.

But thanks to Jesse, I now understand: why drive when you can thrive? Puttering around in an Accord is certainly a modest and decorous way to comport oneself. But in this, the Age of Trump, far-gaudier vehicularization is possible. Necessary, even.

Thanks to a strain of Christianity known as the prosperity gospel, the wealthy can now be relieved of their guilt. It's okay to be obscenely rich. And wantonly greedy. It's what God wants. Yes, God wants his chosen few to enjoy luxury penthouses, fresh-cut flowers delivered daily and eight-figure incomes—even at your expense.

It's the Old Testament filtered through Wall Street.

It's how Duplantis is justifying his request that his congregation buy him a new $54 million-dollar private jet. Lest visions of Las Vegas strip joints and gambling and illegal substances infest your cranium, rest assured this is expressly to enable the word of God to be spread further and faster. 

Jesse himself says so. 

Imbued with this new school of thought, it occurred to me that I could likewise spread the word of The Square Peg further and faster if I enjoyed the use of an upmarket conveyance. Something along the lines of a Ferrari. A 458 Italia or a V-12 Berlinetta would be nice. 

They don't even have to be red.

With distribution times slashed, the staff at The Square Peg could dedicate itself with renewed vigor to creating the kind of content that brings you, dear reader, to The Square Peg day in and day out. I think you'll agree this is a win-win. 

But I can't do it by myself. I need your help.

Ferraris aren't free. They appreciate quickly. In fact, the newer, low-mileage examples I prefer hardly depreciate at all.

This is where you, the highly-valued reader of The Square Peg, comes in. With your generous donation, the scope of your favorite blog could be expanded. With a rip-snorting, 500 horsepower Ferrari at our disposal, the time it would take to schedule and perform interviews, research, fact-check, write, proofread and edit could be cut in half.

All of which leaves you, dear reader, with a timelier and more-comprehensive version of The Square Peg. It is The Square Peg, re-imagined. It is The Square Peg you deserve.

It's almost close-enough to touch, isn't it?

There's just one more thing to do.

Simply leave your bank or checking account number in the comments section, along with your bank's routing number. Our staff of recently-parolled CFOs and former public officials will take care of the rest.

All you need to do is wait for the new and improved Square Peg to appear on your device!

I think America just got great again!