Yeah, There's an App for That

Map My Walk (a free app offered by athletic apparel manufacturer Under Armour) came into my life via a sibling, who advised installing it when she heard my complaints that my phone's stopwatch wasn't quite the tool it promised to be.

Map My Walk was ready, willing and able. It could (and did) record my entire workout. Given the pitiable performance of the aforementioned stopwatch, it was a huge and welcome blessing. “You mean it stays on the entire time? Not just for, like, twelve minutes? Wow!”

Life was good. Calories burned, steps taken, the distance covered and the time it took to do so were all faithfully recorded and stored. Sure, there were days when Under Armour would encourage you to “upgrade”, rendering the app unavailable to anyone who didn't wish to. But it was just a single workout. The app was back to normal the next day.

I don't remember the first time a problem reared its ugly head, but this year they have become almost routine.

First off, I begin and end my walk at fixed points. In other words, I begin and end my walks at the exact same place every day. And yet Map My Walk has computed the distance traveled as anywhere between 2.22 and 2.29 miles.

Huh?

Then there's the pause button. This is supposedly a courtesy offered the user who needs to temporarily suspend the timer to either tighten a shoelace, chat with a friend, pick-up after their dog, etc. It is also employed at the finish of the end-user's walk.

The problem is that it only works about two-thirds of the time. “Look! I've hit pause a dozen times and the clock is still ticking! Wow!” The concept of 'pause' is, at these times, purely theoretical. As is the idea of obtaining an accurate and reliable record of your walk.

Left unattended, the clock will run until your phone's battery is drained. (On a personal note, I advise avoiding this outcome whenever possible.) To prevent battery failure, continue to press the pause button. While doing so may provoke long-term cartilage and/or nerve damage, it can be justified in the event your phone's battery survives.

Turning off the phone is another option.

So the pause button has decided to work today. Quickly press the new button (hold to finish) that should appear just to the left of the pause button. Keep it pressed until the red minute hand has completed its cycle.

(I should take a moment to salute the hold to finish button. It is the lone function on Map My Walk that has performed as intended.)

Okay.

With the data from the walk now secure, you no doubt want to save it for future reference. And here's where we encounter the first glitch seen continuously for seven consecutive days.

Go ahead—press save workout. Where once your record was installed in Map My Walk's file, it has recently greeted me with the message stating there has been an error. If I wait fifteen minutes and attempt it again, it will work.

The facts of your walk can then be moved into your file.

But yesterday, there was no appeasing the save workout beast. It refused, time after time, to save my workout. And naturally, there was no relevant help on the app's site. I suppose I should take some solace from the fact I wasn't asked to upgrade.

With no other solution in sight, I decided on the tried and true reboot. Delete the app. Re-install the app. It saved the workout the save workout button refused to. In my innocence, I thought I had fixed/restored/enabled Map My Walk. Dare to dream!

This morning, Map My Walk again refused to save my workout. Deleting and reinstalling the app made not a whit of difference. Most of my fingers are presently unusable.

It's been fun, Map My Walk.

Goodbye.

This and That

On April 24, 2023, the Green Bay Packers announced the trade of quarterback Aaron Rodgers to the New York Jets. Given the reaction by Bear fans, it was as if their team had just won the first springtime Super Bowl in NFL history.

Of course, considering how little they have to cheer, it could almost be tolerated—if not quite understood.

Yes, Rodgers went 25-5 against the Bears over his career, rendering his infamous “I own you!” comment a fair catch with both feet firmly in bounds. But it must be pointed out he had nothing to do with the parade of mediocrity that has emanated from Halas Hall for the last three decades.

That, my friends, is the exclusive property of the McCaskey family.

And while Bear fans merrily predict an MVP for Justin Fields and a divisional title for the team, the sober among us take care to point out that while the team has improved in many important areas, it has not in others.

Take, for example, the offensive line. Aside from first-round draft choice Darnell Wright, the line is essentially unchanged. Also unchanged is the fact that the majority of projected starters have spent the balance of training camp injured.

Foremost among those are injury-prone 2021 second-round pick Tevin Jenkins and 2023 first-rounder Wright.

I know no one chooses to be injured, but I'm wondering how the Bears continually select such delicate specimens at what might be the game's most physically-demanding position. And did I mention that in terms of O-line injuries, this is a sequel to last year's camp?

The Bears regularly pay lip service to the idea they are eager to see Fields develop into a full-fledged NFL quarterback. And yet by placing him behind one of the worst offensive lines in the league, how can this ever happen?

Fields was the most-sacked quarterback in the NFL last year. And for someone as mobile as Fields, that speaks volumes.

But in the same breath, critics point out he holds on to the ball too long. Hmmm. Playing behind an NCAA division II offensive line, with a modestly-productive tight end and a number-one wide receiver who would rank third on most NFL depth charts, is that sack total really due to the fact he holds on to the ball too long?

Or that there is no one to throw to?

The Bears appear to have addressed the WR question with the signing of D.J. Moore, who by all accounts is an NFL-quality wideout. But he better get open in a hurry, because Fields is still operating behind an O-line made of Kleenex.

Sorry Bears' fans, but I'll consider their season a success if they can just double last year's win total.

Much has been made of Aaron Rodgers' move to New York City. I'll admit the Jets have some promise, with a young, talented defense and an offense made more than functional with the addition of Rodgers, Dalvin Cook and a couple of ex-Packer receivers.

But before we anoint them World Champions, I think we need to consider a few things.

Yes, Rodgers' Packers dominated the NFC Central. But the AFC East is not the NFC Central—especially as currently configured. Put another way, the Jets are not going to run over the Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots the way the Packers once did the Bears, Minnesota Vikings and Detroit Lions.

Point two: Rodgers has extracted more mileage from glittering regular season play than any quarterback I can think of. I mean, between Labor Day and New Year's he's one of the best ever to play the game. No doubt about that.

But despite going to the post-season in eleven of Rodgers' fifteen season as a starter, the Packers played in but a single Super Bowl. That's half the number Eli Manning enjoyed with the New York Giants. And equal to the number Nick Foles availed himself of with the Philadelphia Eagles.

It gets worse.

There's the Packers' 5-9 post-season record since that lone Super Bowl. (Which includes going 0 for 4 in conference championship games.) At the risk of being charged with arson, I will add that just six of those post-season games were played outside of Green Bay, and that the Pack won just one of them.

Iron-willed champion? Only between September and January, kids.

The prima donna-slash-attention-whore will face an ocean of distractions in New York City. At the same time, he'll be graduating—at the age of thirty-nine—from a sandbox to a shark tank in terms of division and conference play.

By December he'll be dreaming of those days in Soldier Field when he could claim “I own you!”

One of the all-time greats?

I'm thinking only with an asterisk.