Asking Questions

I once saw a bumper sticker which read “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians.” This may or may not have been said by Mahatma Gandhi.

Whatever its origins, it illuminates the vast schism between the inspiration for Christianity and Christianity as it is so often practiced. This divide once again became newsworthy as the editor of Christianity Today opined that President forty-five ought to be removed from office based on his “blackened moral record”.

Naturally, this news sent Donald into the royal toilet, where with his stubby pink fingers hard at work, he composed another royal tweet. Since Christianity Today's editorial didn't nominate Donald for sainthood, it was deemed fake news. Fraudulent.

"Another byproduct of the radicalized, socialized left, who are bent on (in Donald's words) taking your guns, your religion and destroying America!" (Never mind that Donald is doing a stellar demolition job all on his own.)

But what really made this editorial noteworthy was that it called out Trump's quote-unquote Christian base.

Like so many things that happen on the other side of the aisle, the notion of Christian Trumpers does not compute. It's right up there with the idea of a Jewish Nazi. I mean, what version of Christianity endorses Donald Trump?

I get the whole pro-life thing. But the name-calling? The grab-'em-by-the-pussy ethos? The fraud? The theft? The lies? The hatred? I can't find a GPS unit that can take me to that place where Christianity intersects with Donald Trump.

Being a Trumper means shutting down massive portions of your humanity and replacing it with lizard-brained, knee-jerk hate. Tell me right-wing evangelicals, where does the Christianity part come in?

I am grateful Christianity Today editor Mark Galli was able to seize the moment and ask questions that so desperately need to be asked. Even if it means that President Petulant will no longer be reading "ET" (that's a quote, people) magazine.

Thank you.

Dear Whiny Republican

Yes. We Democrats hate Donald Trump.

We hated him when he won an election engineered by Republican gerrymandering. 

We hated him when his childish and towering insecurity first reared its ugly head via an indefensible proclamation that more people showed up for his inauguration than Barack Obama's.

We hated him when he refused to share his tax returns. Being possessed of functioning brains, we knew what that meant. And still do.

(Which I hasten to point out, differentiates us from you.)

We hated him when he gave lip service to our men in uniform and then pissed all over a Gold Star mother because her son had brown skin.

We hated him when he mimicked a disabled child at one of his campaign rallies like the puerile middle-school bully he is. And then had the audacity to complain about satirical portrayals of himself and call them mean-spirited.

Seriously? 

We hated him when he neutered the Environmental Protection Agency for the benefit of our corporate parasites, endangering every man, woman and child on Earth in the process.

We hated him when he authored a trillion-dollar giveaway to the one-percent and Google and Exxon and Amazon and Wal-Mart. And we hated him when we realized corporate giants were paying income tax at half the rate of working Americans.

We hated him when he spat on America's allies and embraced our enemies. 

We hated him when he was found to have defrauded would-be students under the ageis of (don't laugh) Trump University.

(You want a world-class oxymoron? There it is.)

We hated him when he was found to have looted his own charity.

And we hated him when he arrogantly and capriciously put the security of domestic elections at risk by soliciting the help of a foreign government to dig up dirt on a presumed opponent in exchange for foreign aid.

Democrats did not provoke this impeachment. Our dislike and derision didn't place a phone call to Ukraine last July. Donald Trump did that all by himself.

Can I assume you're familiar with the expression 'give a man enough rope and he'll hang himself'?

Whine and cry about how Democrats have wanted this since November 8, 2016. You're right. You are so damn fucking right. Hate us for knowing in advance what an incompetent, venal, selfish, toxic bag of shit Donald Trump was going to be as president.

THAT'S WHY WE DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIM!!!

Do you retards get that???

I'm so sorry you're Republican. Like sheep returning from pasture, you know only how to follow the asshole in front of you.

Worse still are his enablers. The spineless, gutless cowards in the House and Senate. Their reflexive, unthinking support of this destructive and dangerous demagogue should have them in front of a firing squad. 

God willing, the political equivalent will present itself next November.

Two Things

Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo is my new hero. 

Finally, there's someone in law enforcement calling out the NRA and their “Guns for Everyone” policies as well as the spineless Republican sycophants who enact them.

It's about time.

For reasons that are thoroughly lost on me, the balance of law enforcement apparently feels that criminals and psychopaths armed with automatic weaponry is a good thing. Maybe they enjoy the high-octane shoot-outs that result. I don't know.

But if I'm a cop, I want to be the only guy on the street with a gun.

But that's just me.

At any rate, thank you Chief Acevedo for injecting some front-line perspective into America's ludicrous gun debate.

After delaying the start of an impeachment inquiry, Democrats now want to ram one through Congress before presidential campaigns get serious. Which is why they're allowing the offal in the Trump administration to ignore subpoenas without fear of reprisal.

Great start.

Democrats need to win the war of public opinion, and rushing through an inquiry between Thanksgiving and Christmas ain't the way to do it.

Allow me to make a sports analogy: in a short series the Republicans are going to win.

They'll pound the floor with their fists and threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue. The brain-damaged folk who buy into Trump and watch Fox News will pump their fists with per-pubescent glee.

A short, noisy, concentrated burst of denial plays into Trump's hands—it's a Twitter-length tantrum to keep the base riled-up and supporting their martyr.

But in a long one? Those ADHD attention spans will wander. The intensity will wane. Or merely become tiresome. Like a child throwing a tantrum, they inevitably tire. Which clears the floor for a reasoned, fact-based inquiry.

With a majority of plainly amoral Republicans in the Senate, winning the war of public opinion is the only way to permanently delete the Trump virus.

Building Up the Bears?

It was Alexander Pope who said “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”

I would add the coverage of the Chicago Bears in the Chicago Tribune's sports section.

However fine a newspaper it may be, the happy talk following two narrow victories over cellar-dwelling opponents (one in the midst of an eight-game losing streak and the other starting a third-string quarterback making his NFL debut) smacks of public relations-speak and not clear-eyed, objective journalism.

Judging by the content, you would have thought the Bears had shut-out the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers—on the road. The reality is the Bears squeaked by the New York Giants and Detroit Lions by a cumulative margin of nine points.

Yes, the Bears completed several forward passes, which was certainly novel. And some even gained double-digit yardage, another novelty. What's more, a number of possessions lasted more than three downs, which qualifies as a veritable epiphany.

But contrary to the Tribune's coverage, in the end it was the same old Bears; struggling against what were (on paper) inferior opponents.

And to think all fans were worried about in September was finding a reliable field goal kicker.

The 2019 Bears have many problems. Beyond playing a first-place schedule and surrendering the ability to sneak up on people as they did last year, problem number-one is their brittle offensive line, further decimated by the loss of Kyle Long.

An offensive line is the core of any team's offense. When they're stout and impenetrable, they make a quarterback look like Brett Farve and a running back resemble Barry Sanders. 

Quarterbacks have time to survey the field and decide on the best option for a pass. Running backs have wide open lanes enabling them to break off five, six yards at a crack. After three quarters of this, an opponent's defensive line shows signs of fatigue.

A great offensive line provides options. Got a lead you want to protect or an opposing offense you want to keep off the field? Go ahead. Run that ball. Need to strike fast and reclaim the lead late? Done.

Sadly, the Bears don't have either of these options. The proof is in the fact they're among the league leaders in three-and-outs. They can't sustain their running game or their passing game.

However talented the Bears defense is, they're on the field for more snaps than three-quarters of their NFL colleagues. As a consequence, they tire and give up points. And if there's a team in the NFL that can't afford to fall behind, its the 2019 Chicago Bears.

Once again, the Bears can't run and they can't pass, largely because of their deficient O-line. Mitch Trubisky's development has been further retarded by this line, leading to a torrent of bitter and hostile criticism.

And lacking draft capital, April won't be an answer any time soon.

But you'd never know it reading recent dispatches in the Tribune. Nope. The Bears have rediscovered their mojo. They have their groove back. Fire up Club Dub. All of this after beating the New York Giants and Detroit Lions.

Whew. It's a little much.

The Bears face the distracted Dallas Cowboys tonight, a team with serious internal issues. They could conceivably get lucky and catch the Cowboys by surprise, giving them a 7 – 6 record and sending the Bears' public relations staff at the Tribune into overdrive.

But with remaining games against the Green Bay Packers, Kansas City Chiefs and Minnesota Vikings (the first and last on the road), things don't look so good. Not with a tough schedule and a weak line and no obvious solutions on the horizon.

Like their 2007 counterparts, the 2019 Bears are the morning after a celebration. And there's no hiding the fact these Bears don't look so good in the light of day.

It'll be curious to see when the Tribune acknowledges it.

Donald Trump is President. This Is What I've Learned.

Educators have long maintained we can learn anywhere. And from anyone. Woe unto us were learning confined to the classroom.

And so it is that despite my smoldering contempt for president forty-five, I have learned from him. For instance, I have learned that when confronted with accusations you feel are false, the best thing to do is prove it.

Let's say there are suspicions regarding your financial dealings, and a request is made to examine your tax returns. It has become standard operating procedure for people in your position to submit them, as they are prove with unshakeable certainty that your extensive business dealings are legal and above board.

You have nothing to hide. What would be the point of obfuscation?

Repeatedly denying those requests, endlessly parroting a lame excuse for your non-compliance and taking legal action up to and including the Supreme Court would only add fuel to the fires of suspicion, would it not?

That's just silly.

Another example. You're the holder of a political office. It has been alleged that you have sought the help of a foreign government in collecting dirt on a political opponent. You have also been charged with threatening to withhold nearly half-a-billion dollars in foreign aid should this government fail to play along.

Displaying the political acumen you have accumulated in your long years of public service, you slam this door shut with a resounding finality by cooperating with your accusers, opening the books to any and all investigation that in the end, will paint your naysayers as the desperate, clutching fools that they are.

Again, what would be the point of denials? Refusals? Obstruction? Those are the tools of guilty men.

Is the last laugh not also the sweetest?

So yes. This is what I've learned from our latest (and greatest) president. When one finds themselves in the middle of a witch hunt, the best thing to do is fling open the closet doors and dare your opponents to find the witch costume.

Well-played, Mr. President. You, sir, are a genius.

Where's the Fire, Donald?

Displaying the peevish rancor of a man with little to lose, President Petulant lashed out at California governor Gavin Newsom Sunday, incorrectly insinuating that it was California's lax fire prevention efforts that led to the two wildfires currently laying waste to vast portions of the state.

If this textbook example of blaming the victim weren't enough, the petulant one also threatened to withhold federal aid, which seems to becoming a habit.

If Trump makes good on his threat, perhaps Newsom should offer to dig up some dirt on Democratic candidates and see how the president responds. If nothing else, it could add weight to the current body of evidence that paints Trump as the venal, self-centered whore-monger over half the country believed he was back in 2016.

Naturally, it goes without saying that Trump's assertions were fact-free. Displaying the reflexive ignorance that has made him the nation's number-one source of fake news, Trump lambasted Newsom for not clearing forest floors of debris when in fact these fires were burning in grasslands which ring urban areas.

(That's why so many houses have been destroyed, Sir.)

In other words, while clearing forest floors of debris is always a good idea, it would have had no effect whatsoever on the fires currently raging in California.

Prior to the Trump infestation, the Mariana Trench was thought to be the deepest, darkest place on planet Earth. A place as remote and removed as the furthest reaches of space.

Post-Trump, this is clearly not the case. That honor belongs to the endless expanses of our president's fathomless ignorance.

Happy Halloween

It's Halloween. And for reasons unknown to me we persist in celebrating the mad, the frightening and the macabre even with Donald Trump in the White House.

My low-cal contribution to the holiday is this retelling of my encounters with bombers.

For those fortunate-enough not to know what bombers are, read on.

I happen to live two communities removed from one featuring a gravel pit. Which means the area's roads are thick with what I call bombers—trucks with open, double-axled trailers infamous for spewing gravel and stones onto the vehicles behind them.

When they're not pounding our roads into dust, their drivers alternately menace and foul traffic. In my eight years in the region, no other type of truck (with the possible exception of pick-ups) makes driving so reliably frustrating. Or dangerous.

Like all truckers, they endure their share of impatient motorists who zoom around them with righteous indignation. But in first-hand accounts, they give far worse than they get.

Given their enormous weight, they are, by nature, lumbering. Traveling behind one on a two-lane road chock-full of traffic signals will excite even the most-serene bowel. Worse, when presented with a four-lane road, their drivers frequently opt for the so-called fast lane.

'Slow Traffic Keep Right' may as well be posted in Sanskrit.

As a result, they evoke mass panic in our driving population. This is amplified when one is trapped behind two bombers—one thoughtfully occupying each lane on a four-lane road. Given a choice between this and driving with a swarm of mosquitoes inside my car, I'll take the mosquitoes.

Alas, bombers do not always travel at such modest speeds. On roads not choked with stop lights, bombers reveal their true selves—frustrated BMW drivers trapped in seven-ton gravel haulers. Yes, they like to go fast.

As a bus driver, I'll never forget the two bombers that came roaring out of the pre-dawn darkness just as I began a protected left-hand turn. I hit the brakes with such force I activated the bus's event camera.

It was a very good thing no one was aboard.

Then there was the time I was headed to work, traveling a rural two-lane at my customary five-over. As I entered a sweeping right-hand curve, I became aware of a vehicle attempting to pass on my left.

No surprise—it was a bomber, trying to pass despite the double yellow lines and oncoming early-morning traffic. He nearly jack-knifed after slamming on his air brakes.

Just two weeks ago, there was yet-another bomber who forced me across the double yellow line after coming up on my right at a merge. He was going to get ahead of me or remove the passenger side of my car trying.

My mate and I were lucky there was no oncoming traffic, as a head-on collision would have been inevitable.

If asked, the bomber's driver would no doubt state he had checked for oncoming traffic before forcing me off the road. Because that's the kind of drivers they are.

Yeah.

I took the license number and filed a complaint with the local police. The owners stated the trailer had been leased to an independent owner-operator (of course) and as such they were unable to identify the driver.

I lacked a trailer number or any information from the cab, so like a visit to a government agency while I possessed information it wasn't the right information.

Sigh.

There are contrarians who would maintain that the bombers infesting our roads represents a healthy and thriving economy, and that I should be grateful for such. And I agree--in part. They're certainly good for the manufacturer of the dash cam I just purchased.

Yep—my next encounter with a bomber is going to be a hi-def spectacle which will be distributed to finer police departments everywhere with YouTube not far behind.

Smile, bro. Are you ready for your close-up?