Thursday, February 19, 2015

You're Just Minutes Away from Being Business-Friendly!

Inspired by the famous J.F. Kennedy quote (“Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”) and Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner's new favorite thing, I have spent considerable time wondering how you and I can become more business-friendly.

A bit of disposable income would seem to be the obvious answer, but then our employer's CEO would starve to death.

So that's out.

Undeterred, I have endeavored mightily to create four paths employees can take to ensure their employer remains healthy and wealthy, while simultaneously keeping the executive suite corpse-free.

1. Lease your office space. This would be a revenue torrent if every working American agreed to rent their desk, chair, cubicle, workstation and office equipment from their employer.

Imagine our corporations and chief executive officers, gloriously lifted into the trillion-dollarsphere! 


This is just a missed opportunity. Bleeping golden as a former Illinois governor would have said.

2. Pay to work. Traditionally, Americans have expected to be paid for their labor. This needs to stop. Have you ever considered what your employer's bottom line would look like if you paid for your employment?

Would there even be enough zeros in the mathematical spectrum to measure the annual windfall?

Again, this is a missed opportunity that demands a feasibility study. Or an urgent inter-office memo.

Either one works.

3. Volunteer. You've always suspected you were a non-profit organization. Here's your chance to make that a reality.

Like the previous suggestions, this might provoke concerns about your survival, but that's just being selfish. We're talking the greatest good for the greatest number here. Kind of.

Give till it hurts.

4. Slave labor. The problem with volunteers is they can leave. Slaves can't. And enabled by a stable workforce, business can plan and project. The better to build an indomitable empire upon the backs of a resource they know will be available—regardless of economic conditions.

Nothing says 'continuity' like shackles and leg irons.

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