I'm Going to Kansas City

If it hadn't been for the Dallas Cowboys, I'd be a Chiefs fan.

The hometown Bears were as boring as shit, and run by an out of touch NFL legend who would only draft players he thought he could sign on the cheap. Not surprisingly, the Bears sucked.

They sucked like a vacuum.

Like today, they had a decent defense. But scoring points was a problem. It was like asking someone with chronic constipation to squeeze out a good-sized stool every day. Painful. You don't know who Jack Concannon or Bobby Douglass or Bob Avelleni are for a very good reason.

By contrast, the Dallas Cowboys and Kansas City Chiefs had two of the most remarkable teams around. They could score like Joe Namath at a bridal shower and pound you senseless on defense. I often wondered why the Bears couldn't do that.

Oh that's right—they were saving money. Check.

For reasons still not entirely understood, I tilted towards the Cowboys. But the Chiefs remained my favorite AFL team. They were the yin to the evil Oakland Raiders' yang, and I delighted in seeing the Chiefs beat the Raiders. Especially in Oakland, where it was still sunny long after the Midwest had gone dark.

Len Dawson, Bobby Bell, Curly Culp, Johnny Robinson, Jim Lynch, Buck Buchanan, Willie Lanier, Jerrel Wilson, Jan Stenerud and especially Otis Taylor were my heroes. I was over the moon when they beat the Raiders (in Oakland) in the last AFL championship game and moved on to defeat the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl IV.

Inevitably, those Chiefs grew old and the franchise was forced to rebuild.

The nineties brought sustained success under the tutelage of Marty Schottenheimer, and saw the Chiefs return to the playoffs in seven of the decade's ten seasons. Sadly, the Chiefs were coached by the man who, had the Chicago Cubs been a football team, would have been their coach.

That's how cursed he (and they) were.

No matter how good and how dominant those nineties teams were, post-season success eluded them. The coach who ranks eighth all-time in victories and who compiled an impressive .613 winning percentage with four different franchises couldn't get his Kansas City charges to the conference championship game.

In eighteen playoff games, Schottenheimer's teams went 5 – 13. Among coaches who oversaw ten or more post-season games, only Steve Owens falls below Schottenheimer's .278 winning percentage.

It takes a Cub fan to understand.

But that was then. And this is now.

The Chiefs' incredibly loyal fan base has been rewarded with an all-world quarterback and a stout defense capable of shutting down anyone. If not another distinguished head coach who lacks the post-season success he deserves.

I am so very, very happy for them.

Go beat the crap out of the 49ers.