Staff
geologists believe they have located a rare mineral—not seen since
the last Democratic administration—that could hold untold benefits
for future generations of Americans.
The
substance, tentatively identified as cranium, will be excavated as soon as the unnamed
site can be secured and begin operations.
A
firm going under the name of 'Not Connected to Trump at All!' is prepared to
mine, process, market and sell the material, although administration officials admit future applications are, at this point, a mystery.
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