Living by the Sword

As an avowed anti-Republican, the mess in Texas puts me in a funny place. Do I snicker? Cry? What is the correct response? Before you label me a hater and paste this on your social media platform of choice, hear me out.

I feel nothing but pity for the people watching their homes freeze. And then flood. For the people getting socked with four-digit utility bills. For the people whose lives have been upended (again) by a storm stoked via climate change.

On the other hand, Texas and its citizens have long revelled in their defiance of any policy that didn't originate with a Republican. Remember how Texas was at the forefront of the masks-are-tyranny protests last summer? Texans glory in their state's self-referencing itself as a “whole 'nother country.” Is there a soul alive who hasn't been told not to mess with Texas?

I guess our ever-changing climate didn't get the memo.

For the second time in three and-a-half years, Texas' refusal to adopt federal regulations with regards to zoning and flood protocols and to ignore suggested protections directed at its energy grid have blown up in its face. Texas is the dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks teenager who believes he can ride his bike with his eyes closed.

Until he can't.

Then he runs home to mom, who despite the yelling and the finger-pointing and the repeated cries to stay out of his life opens her purse and dutifully offers a wad of fresh Kleenex—if not a ride to the hospital (where I discretely point out it is her insurance which provides for his recuperation).

Texas has poached jobs and people nationwide and bragged about it. It loudly claims to offer life without regulation, a state income tax and good old free-market, Republican-styled capitalism.

And I say "Yahoo, partner!"

But here's the thing. Its smarmy, arrogant businessticians want to avoid regulation at all costs, because no one—no one—should be able to tell a white, Texas businessman what to do. They should be free to do whatever the hell they want to do without smothering oversight from the big, bad federal government.

And that's fine. To each their own. 

But it's just a bit disingenuous and a tad hypocritical to turn around and demand aid from that same big, bad federal government before your latest broadside about the evils of overly-invasive government has even had a chance to evaporate.

Like I said, I'm a strident anti-Republican. And I am tired of watching Democrats forced once again to be the parent. Of having to play the grown-up. The reconciler. The nice guy. The one with a fully-developed sense of humanity and bigger, broader horizons in mind.

Yep. Tired. Really. Fucking. Tired.

Texas, pack your play things and go home. Show us some of that famously resilient self-sufficiency! You don't need anything or anyone! It's time to prove it. 

Like that orange-haired asshole you adore, you clearly believe you're bigger than the United States. I'm sure you'd be more comfortable without our suffocating restraints. And our aid.

Was it really that long ago that former governor Rick Perry was making noise about seceding? Hey—anything worth trying once is worth trying twice! Come on, Greg. You too, Rick. I'll even hold the door for ya.

But one thing before you go: mom is out of Kleenex.