Major League Ennui

Chicago is just one of four municipalities (soon to be three) to host a pair of major league baseball teams. To cities without even a single franchise, this—at first blush—appears to be an enviable concentration of wealth.

And at first glance, it is. Doubles the chances of hosting a championship. Of having a contending team in a late-season pennant race. Two sets of athletes performing otherworldly feats in the rarefied strata of major league baseball.

Or so you'd think.

We've had a pair of baseball teams in town for a very, very long time. Way longer than Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Boston and the Bay Area (municipalities that, at one point or another, enjoyed the services of multiple MLB baseball teams). In fact, only New York City can compare. (But remember: the Yankees had NYC to themselves from the time the Giants and Dodgers departed for the West coast until the birth of the Mets in 1962.)

So, yeah. Chicago has been a two-MLB town longer than anybody.

But as any local baseball fan will admit, a lot of good it's done. From the end of World War One (November 11, 1918) through today (July 4, 2023), Chicago has celebrated just two World Series victories. Two. In what is nearly 105 years.

Sure, the White Sox ended the third-longest title drought in the history of professional sports in 2005. And the Cubs famously ended the longest back in 2016. But that's it. Put another way, it's as many as the Houston Astros have amassed since 2017.

As we know so well in Chicago, two teams doubles the odds. What we frequently forget is that it doubles the odds for everything. Good and bad. Not just of winning championships (although that would be nice), but of sucking. Being uncompetitive. Playing listless, uninspired ball in front of some of the most-expensive seats in Major League Baseball.

White Sox fans are in their second season of hair-shirt torment since the fall of the 2021 AL Central champions in the first round of the playoffs. To their fan's immeasurable relief, the team finally jettisoned Tony LaRussa, which helped not one iota. While he should be credited with keeping the team afloat despite the parade to the IL, his successors have fared no better.

However unwilling and disorganized the 2022 team appeared, the 2023 version is far worse. For the White Sox merely to equal last season's .500 mark, they will have to win 44 of their remaining 76 games, which equates to a 93-win pace over a full season.

Additionally, the parade to the IL has not stopped. Every week, another player suffers an injury that keeps him out for weeks, if not months. Those that remain more or less healthy underperform—spectacularly. Tim Anderson? Dylan Cease? Yoan Moncada? Michael Kopech? Eloy Jimenez? All were exceptionally-rated prospects. None have fulfilled their potential.

The team's leading light is Luis Robert, Jr. Named to the American League all-star squad last week, he appears on track to play in 100 games for the first time in his four-year career.

This is probably a good time to mention that the White Sox do lead the league in something, though. They have suffered the largest drop-off in average attendance in Major League Baseball.

The return of pre-pandemic congestion is partly to blame, I'm sure. As is the reconstruction of the Kennedy Expressway. But it appears White Sox fans know a bad thing when they see it.

Ever-hopeful Cub fans were anticipating this season as the team actually competed in the second half of 2022. With the return of arms like Kyle Hendricks, Marcus Stroman, Drew Smyly and Justin Steele and newly-added players like Dansby Swanson and Cody Bellinger, the Cubs just had to be better.

Didn't they?

Yes and no. Are we talking about the team that took two out of three from the Tampa Bay Rays in May? Or the team that has lost seven out of eight to the likes of St. Louis, Cleveland, Philadelphia and Milwaukee?

Like it or not, the Cubs are telling us who they are. We just need to listen.

TJ Maxx used to call itself “a new store everyday.” The Cubs could do likewise. They are the personification of 'win some, lose some.' But in the end, that means they're not very good. Not in the context of a 162-game MLB schedule, anyway.

Relief pitching has been, to be kind, inconsistent. When it functions as intended, the Cubs can make use of their starter's quality outings and post a save. When it doesn't, it sends the Cubs to agonizing losses. I haven't examined the data, but I'd wager next week's pay check the Cubs have surrendered more runs in innings six through nine than innings one through five.

In one and two run games, the Cubs are 11-21. In games in which they score between one and three runs, they're 8-26. Yet they possess the biggest run differential in the division. So they're either winning 7-2 or losing 3-2.

Free-agent starter Jameson Taillon has been a disaster. The Cubs are 2-12 in games he starts. His E.R.A. is 6.93. I mean, that kind of generosity belongs in a sleigh and a red velvet suit. On the rare occasion Taillon makes a quality start, the Cubs are 2-1. But with three quality starts in fourteen opportunities, well, not even Tom Ricketts has that kind of money.

But the Cubs' woes extend far beyond Taillon.

The Cubs have a big problem hitting with men on base. Or more specifically, with runners in scoring position. And they have for a while. Their .225 batting average ranks 28^th. Their .300 on-base percentage ranks 25^th. Their 14 home runs rank 26^th.

See a picture forming?

While otherwise respectably talented, the Cubs morph into the Oakland A's with runners in scoring position. They get really nervous. They mostly crumble. In a game where scoring more runs than the opposition is fairly critical to the outcome, is it any wonder the Cubs are 38 – 45?

Would a regimen of Viagra fix that? How about Shohei Ohtani?

Exacerbating local fan's sense of doom is that both Chicago entries play in the worst division in their respective league. This generates questions. Questions like “If the _____________ can't compete in the weakest division in the _________________ League, how bad are they really?”

At least in the case of the White Sox, I suspect we don't want to know. The Cubs? Depends on the day. They give 'unpredictable' a bad name.

Worse, management doesn't seem to have a clue. Sox GM Rick Hahn doesn't appear to be in any hurry to move on from their failed prospects, whatever their underachievement. But it's hard to know for sure because he's been very, very quiet.

Across town, Cubs' president Jed Hoyer appears as flummoxed as the rest of us when queried about whether the Cubs will be buyers or sellers come August 1^st. I'll say this: it's fairly difficult to imagine them embarking on the kind of run that would position them as a contender.

While Chicagoans can blame the wildfires burning in Ontario and Quebec for the poor air quality and visibility, our baseball teams have no such option. They're likely wishing the smoke was a little thicker.

 

It's That Voodoo That Tom Do

Way before I did, Tom Ricketts realized he had an expectations problem. Saddled with a civic institution of a baseball team and its fan's elevated expectations, he faced a quandary: how do I achieve fiscal austerity, maximize my rate of return and yet convince the public I am vested in this team and its ongoing success?

Distressed that the cash tsunami he anticipated when he purchased the Cubs had yet to materialize, Tom had become irritable. And the public pressure that accompanied the re-signing of three stalwarts, which meant three more expensive long-term contracts that only guaranteed he'd be on the hook for a lot of money, was only making things worse.

Tom thought. And thought. He consulted with consultants. He lost himself in the creation and examination of scenarios. It would be a public relations disaster to trade Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant and Javier Baez. As it would to let them leave via free-agency.

And yet, hadn't he spent enough money?

How could he duck re-signing the threesome (one of whom was on the wrong side of thirty, the other injury-prone and the third having seemingly peaked by the age of twenty-eight) without being crucified by Cub fans and the media? In what kind of environment could let his his three stars go without giving the faithful cause to take-up pitchforks and torches?

“Ah-ha! I've got it! I'll make them bad! I'll have Hoyer gut the pitching staff! We can let Jon Lester and Jose Quintana and Tyler Chatwood go to free-agency and trade Yu Darvish! Hell, he's a Cy Young contender and he's under contract! And while Kyle Hendricks is pretty damn good, there's no way he can carry a team!

And best of all, we have no prospects on the farm! It's genius! I can dump salaries today and it'll pave the way to saving even more tomorrow! No wonder I'm a billionaire! And the fans? As soon as those bi-polar crybabies get a load of the new Cubs they won't give a crap what happens!”

And so it was done. The team momentarily veered off-course in May, but is now back to exploring the multitudinous varieties of futility. A rejuvenated Craig Kimbrel is playing like he didn't get the memo, but with the trade deadline just three-weeks and change away, he won't be a problem for long.

Collectively at their career lows, it will be interesting to see what Rizzo, Bryant and Baez fetch—not that it matters.

The heavens will part and ol' Tom will soon be rolling in it. He knows, like we all know, that when it comes to Wrigley Field and the Cubs, the product on the field is less-important than where they play. And he can make money far more cheaply than he would fielding a contender.

Besides, with a championship in the bank, he's set for the next century.

Right?

Stuck in the Middle With...me?

I had no idea the block-programming I encountered via my cable provider would one day double as a weather model. If I had, I might not have fired them. Alas, AT&T bills escalate like Illinois property taxes, putting the kabosh on that teachable moment.

But even minus the ongoing example their lesson remains.

Last winter gave all appearances of being a mild affair, with precious little of the white stuff falling through the twenty-fourth of January. In my naivete I even began to entertain thoughts of green grass and soft breezes. Leaves on trees. Songbirds.

But the same block-programming which had gifted me with days full of That '70s Show and Wicked Tuna and the always-delightful Housewives franchise asserted itself in a new arena—weather. The one-flavor-at-a-time aesthetic was about to deliver a punishing new blow.

It snowed. Then it snowed some more. And then it snowed still-more. A forty-three year-old record for consecutive days of measurable snowfall nearly fell as well, but was merely tied. Long story short, we received a winter's worth of snow in a single month.

The concentration was unprecedented.

Then spring arrived. And for the first time since 2017, May didn't generate record amounts of rain. But relief is discouraged in Illinois, and by June my portion of the state was immersed in a drought.

Beige grass, trees stressed and shedding leaves—the whole deal.

But last Wednesday it finally rained. Then it rained on Thursday. And on Friday. Saturday. Monday. Tuesday. And is forecast for today as well. (Though appropriately gloomy, Sunday was somehow exempted.)

It seems even the Cubs, in a fresh take on the eternal nature or nurture question, have adopted the dynamic.

They sucked in April, setting franchise records for hitting futility. And when you consider the team began play in 1876 in the so-called “deadball” era, well, it appeared the deadball era wasn't quite as dead as we thought.

They got their groove on in May, going 19 and 8 and outscored the opposition 131 to 85—a margin of nearly two runs a game. Oh my god! These guys are the 1939 Yankees reincarnated!

Ugh-huh. Sure.

June has seen a return to April's form (if their play can even be dignified by such a term), as they have gone 12 and 15 and averaged a meager 3.3 runs per game, which is even worse than April's showing.

It has grown exponentially worse since the fourteenth. From that point, the Cubs have terrorized Major League Baseball, winning 4 of their last 15 and crossing home plate 28 times in those 15 games. (If you're as mathematically-gifted as I, you'll notice that isn't even two runs a game.)

It is wearying. Sorry, Mr. Hoyer.

Stir in lingering pandemic fatigue, inflation, shortages, random and widespread gun violence and our simmering political and societal divides and life feels pretty damn weird. Out of control. Like a frozen pizza that goes from undercooked to burnt in milliseconds. 

What the _____? Are extremes the new normal?

It must now be asked: Could the neurological condition known as bi-polar actually be a lifestyle?