Random Thoughts, Vol. 12

What a raucous, divisive year it's been. The country hasn't torn itself in two just yet, so that's a good thing. Hopefully we can all agree it's New Year's Eve.

Plus, we're nearly halfway through the Trump presidency. On the not-so-bright side, we're just halfway through the Trump presidency.

President Petulant created lots of headlines this year, and however appropriate it would be to close 2018 with an all-Trump edition of Random Thoughts, sepsis remains a very real and very serious health threat.

Instead, we offer this half-cocked edition which, given the circumstances, seems entirely appropriate.

Enjoy.

The nice thing about grocery shopping in January (and yes, there is one) is that you rarely have to worry about ice cream melting. Or frozen pizza thawing. Or worst of all, beer skunking.

Does Donald Trump have any idea he's the country's number-one source of fake news?

No one playing for the Colorado Rockies should ever be eligible for leadership in any offensive statistical category. Ever.

A hundred bucks to the soul who correctly predicts the date Donald Trump demands that his likeness be used on American currency.

Engineering students should be tested on the meaning and implications of Murphy's Law before beginning this course of study.

Donald Trump loves to pull the fire alarm, yet is always surprised when the fire trucks show up.

If everyone is shopping online, why the hell couldn't I find a decent parking space two weeks ago?

Who's the guy that tells Donald Trump when to inhale and when to exhale?

Friday—the original pain reliever.

I'm thinking Donald Trump must be on the Viagra and Ex-Lax diet, because it's hard to tell whether he's coming or going.