Supermarket Magic

While attempting to decompress after a particularly grueling day of caregiving, I began assembling the libation capable of soothing my frazzled nerves and restoring my weary body.

My anticipated reverie was interrupted when I realized my hands had grown out of all proportion to the carton of orange juice I was pouring from. My now-massive mitts covered three-quarters of the container! I felt like King Kong, capable of snatching bi-planes out of the the sky from atop the Empire State Building.

With puberty firmly in the rear view mirror, there was no way this was a growth spurt. No, something else was going on. After eliminating plastic surgery and exposure to radioactive materials, a more-mundane realization struck me: Florida's Natural had shrunk the carton.

Yes, the robust 64-ounce container of orange juice I previously enjoyed had been reduced 18.7% and now faced life as a 52-ounce welterweight. The real miracle is that the price remained the same. 

Florida's Natural is betting that harried moms grabbing a few groceries in between picking up the kids from school and rushing home to get something on the table for dinner are unlikely to notice.

So while you and I are getting a fifth-less orange juice, we're simultaneously paying 19.7% more per ounce for the orange juice we do get.

And who doesn't think that's the greatest thing ever?

So Florida's Natural: Trump's corporate tax-cut wasn't big enough for you? Pissed-off that you're unable to outsource jobs and receive that fifty-percent Republican-sponsored tax discount for sending jobs out of the country?

Alas, Florida's Natural isn't the only brand name playing this shell game. Frito-Lay, Jay's and

Dannon have been enthusiastic participants as well.

Speaking for myself, I'd rather see a simple, here-it-is price hike. You know, forthright. But clearly I'm in a minority. Which is why companies resort to this kind of nefarious subterfuge. 

Left to confront what is essentially a twenty-percent price-hike in the cost of my favorite beverage, I seek to turn this dynamic inside-out and insert it into the work world. (Preferably in the offices of the above-named offenders.)

Let's say your employer is, well, unenthusiastic about giving you a raise—as many are despite our supposedly booming economy and tight labor market.

How cool would it be if employees could approach their bosses and say “Gosh, Miranda. I know we're (cough) strapped for cash. So instead of embarrassing all of us by asking for more money, may I suggest that I work thirty-two hours a week instead of forty? You know, work four days a week and get paid for five? Kind of like we do with our facial tissue, orange juice, potato chips and/or yogurt?"

Yeah.

The response from the land of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do would be memorable, I'm sure. I mean, how can our state-supported corporate giants prosper if their employees are allowed to pit their own business practices against them?

Just saying.