Showing posts with label Restaurants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Restaurants. Show all posts

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Kid-Free? Finally!

It’s an idea that is long overdue.

The Sushi Bar, a restaurant in Alexandria, Virginia, has declared itself kid-free, advising potential patrons that no one under the age of eighteen will be permitted to dine.

And I say hallelujah.

But judging from the torrent of outrage, you’d think the government announced it was going to begin confiscating personal property.

First off, let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a kid hater.

But in the overheated, finger-pointing hysteria that passes for civilization here in the United States (and perhaps where you live as well), children have attained an almost god-like status.

And those who don’t buy into the idea that everything must be sacrificed for their benefit all the time are regarded with suspicion. It’s kind of like being a communist in the McCarthy era.

I ask you: what’s wrong with the idea of kid-free? Is there something intrinsically evil about the concept of stores or restaurants free of hyperactive/tired/poorly-behaved children and their inattentive and exhausted parents?

Not a thing.

Everyone—childless or not—can cite an experience impacted by a child shoehorned into a setting in which it didn’t belong. Concert halls. Weddings. Slow-food restaurants. Movie theaters. And those are just the beginning.

All, with the occasional exception of a movie theater, are kid-inappropriate.

Whatever presumed selfishness I possess by remaining childless is dwarfed by parents who seem to feel that if they must suffer their children’s tantrums, then by god you shall, too.

There are always plenty of excuses: babysitters are child-molesters, I can’t find one, I can’t afford one, I don't have time, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

The currently-embraced psychological fashion says that everything is a choice. And there isn’t an option—Cosmopolitan magazine to the contrary—that allows you to have it all.

Having kids means you might have to sacrifice a visit to the symphony to hear Bach’s Violin Concerto in E major when a sitter can’t be found. Just as not having kids means you’ll have to do without the joy found in a child’s first words.

No one gets everything all the time.

An old expression says crying children are like good intentions—they should be carried out.

With parents who understand where children do—and don’t—belong, and without kids forced to endure events which hold absolutely no interest for them, we might find the market for kid-free zones diminished. If not eliminated entirely.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Advertising on the Fly

I have a peculiar talent for creating advertising. One that is frequently beyond my control.

Take yesterday. My girlfriend and I were driving east on Lisbon when we came across a dilapidated chicken joint named Champion Chicken.

I involuntarily launched into an announcer-like voice and said “There isn’t a chicken in the joint that hasn’t gone fifteen rounds and come out a champ! No matter how hard you hit ‘em, they’re the chicken you can’t keep down!”

A second passed before peals of laughter emanated from the passenger seat. It was then that I realized the awful double entendre.

Madison Avenue fears me.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Random Thoughts, Vol. 6

If failure is the best teacher, I ought to be a genius by now.

Does Tyler Perry have to put his name on everything?

If vehicle size were penis length, pick-up truck drivers would be the biggest dicks around. Oh wait—they are.

What would happen if we never heard the words ‘iconic’, ‘extreme’ and ‘transparency’ ever again?

Contrary to popular belief, politicians do keep their campaign promises—the ones made in private to their corporate sponsors.

If positive thinking really influenced outcomes, we’d all be lottery winners.

Maitre’d: Reservations? Me: Oh no—we’re happy to be here!

James McMurtry’s “We Can’t Make It Here” should be the national anthem.

The reason the wealthy need more money than the rest of us is they pay so much for everything!

If I were unemployed in 1628, I could say I was flat baroque.