Adulting

How do you wrap your brain around parents who are alleged to have not only gifted their emotionally-troubled son with an early Christmas present of a handgun, but gave him full and unrestricted access even after he showed signs of intending to do harm with it?

I mean...how? What the fuck?

Your kid's teacher finds him shopping for ammo on his phone and they're the bad guy? Another teacher finds a disturbing note—accompanied by an equally-disturbing drawing—and they're what? Radicalized socialists intruding on your son's privacy? Second Amendment rights? First Amendment rights? All of the above?

Given your uninvolvement, I'm shocked you visited the school when summoned. In the most towering example of not-my-kid we have ever been unfortunate-enough to witness, you refused to intervene and schedule counseling, much less take a peek at his backpack. What right would that have violated, Mr. and Mrs. Crumbley?

You even resisted the request to remove your child from school. I'm thinking that as taxpayers, you were determined that your son receive every cent of every tax dollar you paid to support his public school.

Wondering: do you seek life advice from Alex Jones? Do you remain perturbed that last year's attempt to assassinate Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer failed? And finally, Trump didn't really lose, did he?

Can I get your thoughts on COVID vaccines?

That's right. I'm accusing you of being Trumpers. Because the stupidity you repeatedly showed in this tiny week-long window is staggering. And frankly, only a Trumper is capable of it.

Word is that you left Oxford “for your own safety.” It's a shame your son's victims didn't have that option, isn't it? If it isn't bad enough we have the NRA writing our nation's gun policy—such as it is—we have “parents” like you doing everything but engraving invitations to their kids to slaughter their classmates.

It's not easy being green—or Trump—is it?

I can't wait to hear your justification. Ditto that of your son. In a world that truly valued life (nope—overturning Roe v. Wade doesn't count), the three of you would rot in prison.

Here's hoping.