Re-imagining Pearl Harbor

Herein, we re-imagine the attack on Pearl Harbor as taking place today, with the not-quite-greatest generation (defined as 'us', not 'you') left to react and muddle its way through the debris.

It kicks off with Franklin Delano Roosevelt's historic 1941 address, updated to reflect 2021's realities. We at the Square Peg hope you enjoy it.

“Madam Vice President, Madam Speaker, Members of the Senate and of the House of Representatives:

Yesterday, December 7, 2021—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by missles originating from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, better known to you as North Korea.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of the Democratic People's Republic, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking towards the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.”

It didn't take long for social media platforms to light up.

“It's a hoax!” cried redstatepatriot26. “More lies from Sleepy Joe” added Joe6pak. “This is a gr8 start! Now We take up Arms and Finish DC!” advised 67militiaMan. “Biden's media puppets are already marching in lockstep with this, people!!! Grab your guns!!!” wrote US representative Lauren Boebert (R-CO).

Despite mountains of evidence originating from the military, independent observers and local and state governments confirming the attack and the attendant carnage, a motion to declare war fell strictly along party lines, passing 221 to 213 in the House and requiring a tie-breaking vote from Vice President Kamala Harris to pass in the Senate.

Presidential mandates limiting home construction and automobile production in order to conserve materials required for the war effort are being met with hundreds of lawsuits. Additional mandates rationing (among other things) meat, gasoline, natural gas and electrical consumption are likewise having their veracity contested.

Even the distribution of non-military ammunition is being curtailed, provoking perhaps the strongest outrage from bands of protesters calling themselves the 'Legion of Trump'. They allege this is tyranny of the highest order and urge their brethren to take up arms against a hostile and pernicious government denying them their Second Amendment rights.

With the rest of the world quickly taking sides in the wake of the assault, a global war appears inevitable. With no other choice but to resurrect the draft, resistance is peaking in red states such as Florida, Alabama, Kansas, Oklahoma and Texas. Anti-draft protesters are burning American flags and demanding citizenship in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

There, they believe, they will be free to exercise their Second Amendment rights without inhibition, eat as many double-cheeseburgers as they can stomach and spend as many hours playing Mortal Kombat as a case of Red Bull will see them through.

When advised of the realities of life in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (starvation and deprivation among other things), they uniformly point to a tweet by former president Donald Trump advising them that anything that doesn't emanate from his lips are lies. 

With strident resistance to virtually every mandate exacerbated by yet-another COVID variant and sustained by virulent anti-vaxxer factions, political observers believe the United States could fall to North Korea and its allies.

The same observers caution that those resisting President Biden's mandates would likely be viewed as enemies of the state should North Korea emerge victorious and summarily executed.

 At least they won't be made to suffer under a hostile democracy.