Stupid Is As Stupid Does

As someone not old-enough to know how we came to look upon southerners as intellectually inferior compared to people from other parts of the country, I understand perfectly now why that perception might again be in play.

Rightly known for their hospitality (at least as long as you didn't look or worship differently from them), I first experienced it on a family vacation to Kentucky and Tennessee. Of course, as a ten year-old I wasn't engaging anyone in conversations about civil rights or segregation.

No, I was marveling at the natural wonders of Mammoth Cave and the Smoky Mountains, being intoxicated by the century-old vapors in the smokehouse at the Henry Clay mansion and falling in love with a caramel-colored race horse named Traffic Judge who insisted on following me and two siblings around the fence of his (or her) enclosure.

The passage of time has obscured the reasons my parents gave as to why we couldn't take our newfound friend home.

Not so many years later I began to learn about the Civil Rights movement. And the older I got the more plain-spoken my lessons became. The venom displayed by so many in that region was hideous. Ugly. Appalling.

I'll never forget the footage of people spitting on and screaming at the five Black children being escorted into Little Rock High School and the rage that contorted those faces into something not quite human. Or the unprovoked and entirely unjustified treatment accorded the marchers who crossed the Edmund Pettus bridge on March 7, 1965.

No one was going to tell southerners what to do. Or who they could or couldn't hate. If they wanted to treat Black people like the material we flush down toilets, well then by God they were going to do so.

After rejecting the Democratic party en masse when it sought to stop their overt mistreatment of Blacks, that defiance has again flared to new heights.

Acting in the interests of the common good, a mostly Democratic coterie of politicians and public health officials have urged Americans to mask and get vaccinated in the hopes of containing the Coronavirus before it mutates into the variant capable of killing all of us.

Without a single, coherent reason, a largely-Republican contingent has resisted these measures each and every step of the way.

Being asked to wear a lightweight mask amounts to 'tyranny'. The virus is a hoax. And most-pathetically, their brainless, middle-school obstinacy proves they are indomitable. Impervious. And immune.

I'm not even going to touch the hypocrisy of their “my body, my choice” rationale.

And for a time, it was debatable. But as vaccines have become widely available and the sentient portion of our population took advantage of them, the resistant continued to resist. Centered in the south, it is those very states that have suffered the highest infection rates from the Delta variant.

And it is precisely that portion of the population who knows what random and capricious bullshit science is. For the rest of us, this outcome couldn't be more predictable. They ignored the virus, pretended it wasn't a 'thing' and still clutching to their cult leader's words, insist it still isn't.

But even after their cult leader admitted vaccines were important and that they should avail themselves of them, they booed him. While Mount Everest straddles the border of Tibet and Nepal, the Mount Everest of Stupid rests squarely in Cullman, Alabama.

Even as their children are hospitalized in record numbers and the availability of ICU rooms evaporates like spit on a Las Vegas sidewalk. Even as surgeries can't be performed because hospitals are stuffed with unvaccinated patients. And even as our health care workers teeter on the edge of exhaustion

As a once-popular comedian observed “You can't fix stupid.”

This is the fallout from the political party that once called itself the 'Family Values' party. Apparently that includes preventing school districts from protecting your kids from a stubborn and persistent virus. How about it, Ron DeSantis?

I would like nothing better than to indulge Republicans and their COVID death-wish. Taken as a group, they're a largely despicable and ignorant one. America's weakest link. The phrase 'thinning the herd' springs to mind.

But unlike southerners and their misplaced hospitality, I have no interest in providing COVID-19 a forever home. Yeah, I know. You're the fearless one. I'm the snowflake. I get it. Right up until the moment you or your kids are wheezing on a ventilator and having second thoughts about vaccines. 

I'll keep that in mind as I read your obit. 

 

Keepin' the COVID Alive

Way back in 1980, the Beach Boys enjoyed one of the last hits of their estimable career, Keepin' the Summer Alive. It espoused all the things they were famous for and was a pleasant bit of radio fodder.

Forty-years and change later, it is ironic this sunny, harmless tune could serve as the anti-vaxxer's death-wish anthem, albeit slightly re-titled. Let's call it Keepin' the COVID Alive.

Without employing words like mental illness or stupidity, it is tough to figure these folks out.

I was hugely relieved when the worst of the pandemic lifted. The virus was ugly, a monster without a face. Excepting the knots of rural Republicans treating it like a fetus, we'd have eliminated it by now.

What I found most disturbing was that in the middle of our political and societal rancor, we mostly ignored the medical miracle that happened underneath our noses. That three—three—vaccines were developed to combat the novelcorona virus.

I mean, who wanted to croak before watching Republicans destroy the democracy that has been the envy of people the world over? (I'm over the moon that Republicans are finally showing themselves as amoral, power-mad sub-humans as I've always suspected they were.)

Transparency, right?

But if you're like me, you're suffering post-COVID political fatigue. And having to watch the legions of the orange-haired continue to dispute not only the results of last year's election but the existence of a pandemic (perpetuated by the very citizens complaining loudest about newly instituted mask mandates) is pretty close to insufferable.

In demonstrating their imagined sense of impermeability, the largely-Republican core of anti-vaxxers has unwittingly sustained and enabled the very thing they say doesn't exist. And when it's not making them sick, it's killing them.

Do I dare refer to this as culling the herd?

I certainly detest twentieth-century Republican's notions of governance, but do I fervently and truly hate them? Do I wish they'd all succumb to the Delta variant and be gone? Probably not.

I mean, my father was a Republican (admittedly of a strain light-years removed from the current iteration) and a sibling is as well. And ironically, I get along with that sibling better than those who declare as Democrats.

Go figure.

And after viewing the documentary Seattle Is Dying, I have as many reservations about unrestrained liberalism as I do about unrestrained conservatism.

Before we're forced further into another round of COVID restrictions which no one—liberal or conservative—wants, can't we come to see this as a health issue and not a political one?

And when our scientists create vaccines and test them and introduce them to a population starving for them, can we at least seize the opportunity to keep ourselves alive today and fight to enact our extreme agendas tomorrow?

To the folk in conservative bastions like Missouri and Alabama wearing their vaccine hesitancy like an Olympic medal, rest assured it is a short-lived thing. When you're suffering the long hauler ravages of COVID, it'll feel like a permanent hangover.

And in the worst-case scenario, how're you going to vote Republican from the grave?

Have you really, really thought this through, people?

 

I Can Break the Vaccine Logjam!

 After hearing Trump's phone call to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger plainly seeking to badger/guilt/manipulate Raffensperger into cooking the books of the 2020 election in Trump's favor, I have had it.

I ask you: has there ever been a more heinous, more corrupt jackal in public office? And is it asking too much that he is soon to receive the Benito Mussolini treatment not too long after leaving office, if not before?

Sadly, it seems my New Year's Eve wish has one exception: Donald J. Trump. But I'm forgiving his zombies—for the most part. Read on...

Amazing, isn't it? But yeah, I can. Here's the deal: if you voted for Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential election, you go to the end of the line.

By casting your vote for Crazy Don, you have endorsed this medical cataclysm which has placed tens of millions of lives at risk, and I see no reason whatsoever why you should benefit alongside those who sought order over chaos; leadership over sedition and fraud.

It is you who swallowed President Petulant's every word and obeyed his every wish. It is you who denied the existence of COVID-19 and belittled those who believed differently. It is you who stridently protested common-sense public health measures meant to minimize the spread of COVID-19 and fought tooth and nail to have them overturned.

(In addition to ignoring them.)

It is you who, like your president, whined and cried without end. It is you who raised the game of victimhood to new heights, claiming that wearing a cloth mask over your nose and mouth amounted to tyranny.

It is you who, like your president, enabled the spread of COVID-19 via your teenaged sense of immortality and now want to partake in a cure.

To which I politely respond “Fuck you.”

It is entirely unsurprising that we fell short of the twenty million vaccinations promised by Vice-President Pence. It is entirely unsurprising that the distribution lags far behind what was promised.

We have only to look at the captain of the ship.

To paraphrase your local stock broker, this is a case where past performance is indicative of future results. Unless it benefited the one-percent and their businesses, is there anything Donald J. Trump didn't fuck up?

Like the trolls you are, you need to follow your leader. This isn't the time to discover your sense of free will and think for yourself. There is no virus, remember? Hence no need for inoculation.

I'd like you to show us snowflakes one more time how indomitable you are. I'd like you to show us your fiery defiance in the face of, well, everything. You can't talk the talk if you won't walk the walk.

C'mon—just one more show. Isn't it better to risk sickness and even death as a true blue Trumper than to live in shame as a RINO?

I thought so.

The Finish Line

The day seemed never to arrive. But here it is. 2020 is in the ICU and the prognosis is not good. In fact, it has just hours to live. And strangely, no one seems to mind.

Nope. Unless you invested heavily in Zoom or were its creator, there aren't going to be many people who look back fondly on 2020. I'll even go so far as to suggest it was the worst year of many people's lives.

It was in mine.

While we're not anywhere near putting COVID in the rear view, there are encouraging signs. Namely, the presence of several vaccines which could conceivably inoculate us. Sadly, even an apparent no-brainer like a vaccine in the midst of a pandemic is faced with multiple obstacles.

Sigh. Yes, it is an exhausting time to be alive.

But alive is what I want to be. And what I want for you as well.

My heartfelt wishes for a happy and prosperous 2021 to all.

Fathoming the Unfathomable

Sadly, I haven't paid enough attention to the the mousy, thin-lipped man who occupies the position of Senate majority leader. But with a neon-lit asshole (with air horn) as president, I guess that might be understandable.

But make no mistake: Mitch McConnell is a monster. One every bit as toxic as his master.

In his party's mad scramble to solidify corporate control of the government, McConnell is its most faithful servant. While we once fought to unshackle the individual and bestow upon him (or her) liberty, twenty-first century Republicans seek to unshackle the corporation and bestow it with liberty.

(As long as generous amounts of campaign financing are offered in reciprocity, anyway.)

At present, McConnell is blocking a pandemic aid package because our corporations won't be exempted from legal action in the event they don't take the requisite steps to protect their employees.

Yep. You read that right.

McConnell is the twenty-first century version of Marie Antoinette, who infamously said “Let them eat cake!” when informed that her French subjects, who were on the verge of starvation owing to her regime's exorbitant taxation, weren't happy.

(To be clear, 'cake' at that time referred to bread. Antoinette was not suggesting a sumptuous array of fragrant, butter-infused French pastries for the unwashed masses.)

With the country starved of revenue owing to his bosses trillion-dollar giveaway to the one-percent, McConnell is playing hardball with those on the verge of hunger, homelessness and destitution.

It is a shame we as a society so quickly become inured to these kinds of acts and don't see them for the unvarnished cruelty they are.

I can't wait to see what kind of swill Republicans offer by way of explanation to their blue-collar, GED-holding base who will be among those kicked in the teeth first and foremost by this impasse.

Oh that's right. They drank the Kool-Aid. The question won't even be asked.

So while McConnell represents a state second in the nation for the amount of federal aid it receives per tax dollar paid, the rest of us clearly are not worthy. (Well, not unless we let our corporations off the hook from just about everything.)

But don't forget to vote Republican in the 2022 mid-terms and, um, take our country back.

Yeah.

 

Happy Thanksgiving

 

It is both troublesome and heartening. That 2020 Americans—perhaps the most contentious and divided US population ever—feel a powerful need to congregate and gather in one another's company this Thanksgiving.

Even at the risk of making our loved ones—and each other—sick.

Wow.

In one sense, it speaks to our humanity, something I thought we'd surrendered long ago. We are, after all, social creatures, given to seek company and connection. And judging by the network news reports, we are seeking that en masse.

In another, it speaks to our proclivity for panic. And our inability—or unwillingness—to process events too cataclysmic to conceive. A stealthy, invisible virus hopping from one body to another in ways we don't fully comprehend is simply too horrifying for us to imagine.

So we don't.

We seize on an imagined normal and cherry-pick evidence that supports this ideal. Or conjure up our teenaged selves, indomitable and resistant: “It won't happen to me!”

And it may not. COVID-19 reminds me of a tornado, a storm which rarely follows a predictable, linear path. It skips about, pulverizing one structure while leaving an adjacent one practically untouched.

It is a mystery, still.

Yet we appear to be on the cusp of a vaccine. But given the enormity of the world's population and the problematic issues of distribution and—in one case, storage—relief could be many, many months away. (I refuse to even consider those who will reject the vaccine based on some flimsy notion of religion or personal liberty.)

So I continue to lay low, as uncomfortable and unnatural as it is.

Whatever your take on the pandemic, I wish you and your loved ones well this Thanksgiving. I've no desire whatsoever to be proven “right” if a mounting pile of corpses is to be my proof.

Pssst. Are You Ready for Some Good News?

I have it on the word of two Republicant relatives that COVID-19—also known as the Corona virus—will end today.

It's true.

So throw away your masks! Stand next to a stranger and expectorate without inhibition!

We're free!

Relief Sought. Relief Found.

Trying to avoid the torrent of anxiety that is 2020, I turned to sport—be it in their distended (basketball and hockey) or truncated (baseball) forms.

Given that the local franchises (at least depending on your MLB franchise-orientation) have been as effective at reducing anxiety as caffeine, sports has mostly been ineffective.

The Blackhawks briefly derailed the overriding reality that the Cup window is closed by winning the qualifying round against the rejuvenated Edmonton Oilers. But the subsequent loss to Las Vegas Golden Knights reminded us that, yeah, the window is definitely closed.

Letting goaltender Corey Crawford go is the proof.

The Bulls continued to mismatch coaches with their talented, young roster, ending the shortened season with a dismal 22 and 43 record. But the recent dismissals of President John Paxson, General Manager Gar Forman and hapless coach Jim Boylen have given fans hope.

With the signing of new coach Billy Donovan and another lottery pick in the upcoming draft, there is finally more light than darkness.

The Cubs? Long story short—the less said the better.

Having recovered their lovable loser status, their mystifying ineptness regarding how to best employ a baseball bat in an actual baseball game didn't prohibit them from claiming another divisional title and with it, home field advantage.

But as they so expertly do, the Cubs turned advantage into disadvantage since they actually hit worse at home (.213) than they did on the road (.226). No matter. Two consecutive losses to the mighty Florida Marlins in the opening round of the playoffs put Cub fans out of their misery with due dispatch.

And the one-time Super Bowl-hopeful Chicago Bears?

The team has removed a negative (QB Mitch Trubisky) but done virtually nothing to shore-up a weak offensive line. TE Jimmy Graham has at least given the Bears production at the position; something they didn't enjoy last year.

But with an NFL-strength schedule the rest of the way and no running game to speak of, the 4 – 1 Bears will be hard-pressed to sustain their early success—accomplished against pro football's doormats.

On a national scale, things were brighter.

Even after losing Kawhi Leonard and Danny Green to southern California in free-agency, the indefatigable Toronto Raptors clawed their way to the second-seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs by virtue of their 53 and 19 record.

It took a five-point loss to the Boston Celtics in game-seven of the Eastern Conference semis to stop them. But what a ride!

And what a team.

Basketball continued to entertain via the Denver Nuggets.

A popular pick to make the Finals, the Nuggets evinced a disquieting ability to fall-out of games early before mounting second-half comebacks. It was enough to carry them through two seven-game series versus the Utah Jazz and Los Angeles Clippers and into the Western Conference Finals.

But it took the steadier and more-experienced Los Angeles Lakers just five games to defeat them, meaning the Nuggets still have miles to go before they pour champagne on each other.

But it was a ball watching them.

Which brings me to baseball.

As with the NHL and NBA, credit must be given to MLB for managing a very complicated dynamic with stellar results. It wasn't perfect, but excepting the circumstances that allowed Donald J. Trump to appoint three Supreme Court justices within a single term, what in 2020 was?

But here we are on the eve of another World Series.

My fandom of baseball is more deeply-rooted than any of the remaining “Big Three” sports. That being the case, there are deeply-rooted likes and dislikes. For example, I love the Cubs. I hate the New York Yankees.

Translated, it was a delight watching the Tampa Bay Rays bounce the Yankees out of the American League Divisional series. It occurred to me during that series the Rays might be the best franchise in baseball.

How many other teams have reliably remained so competitive? Has a farm system that has so reliably produced big-league talent? Made innovation routine? And even more remarkably, has accomplished this in a small market with skeletal fan support?

And with a moldy, dank cavern of a stadium that is the antithesis of 'revenue stream'?

By eliminating the Yankees and on the cusp of advancing to the World Series, the Rays have upended exactly half of MLB's dream. That the darlings of major league baseball—the mass-market Yankees and the mass-market Los Angeles Dodgers—assume their rightful places in baseball's annual showcase for a TV ratings extravaganza.

But that's how the Rays seem to do things.

If the medium is the message, is this when we'll start watching?

Physician Heal Thyself

Oh sweet irony. Oh sweet, sweet irony. The Denier-in-Chief has contracted COVID-19.

Of course, depending on the seriousness of the infection, he'll never have to worry about the shortage of hospital beds, ventilators and other medical equipment his inaction sentenced so many others to.

But watching him pull his “Virus? What virus?” act will certainly be made more amusing—not that the zombies who follow him would know the difference.

Gosh, Mr. President. Hurry up and (cough) get well soon. 

I mean that.

 

Kisses!

La Piazza Gancio 

We're in This Together?

You gotta love Texas. As their department of tourism once described it, it's a whole 'nother country. And months into the COVID pandemic, it's obvious that wasn't just a tagline.

Texas was a leader in the we-don't-need-no-stinkin'-masks movement. Texans knew intuitively that masks were a hysterical response to something that didn't really exist. Swollen with ego and defiance, any Texan within range of a television camera was only too happy to tell you how tough they were. How indomitable.

Of the joy they took in flouting liberal's timid and fearful protocols.

And however saturated the population was with its teen-aged sense of invincibility, it reached even greater extremes within the offices of the state's Republican party. They were incapable of contamination. Or infection.

Of course, this was a falsehood concocted to keep the runaway train of Texas capitalism roaring, and if you didn't like it you should just stay the hell out of the way.

Social media is stuffed with footage of their constituents thumbing their nose at the new normals of mask wearing and social distancing. They frolicked in their pools and gathered in their roadhouses and cavorted on their beaches.

Yee-hah! Gimme a T for Texas! Don't mess with Texas! And all of that.

I once asked a native of Oklahoma why it was so windy there. “Texas blows” she said. “Or sucks. Take your pick.”

All was going swimmingly until governor Greg Abbott got infected. It wasn't an especially contagious virus and is actually pretty rare in twenty-first century Republican circles. It bears the name common sense.

In its clutches, Abbott began to act strangely. First there was the involuntary attention to facts. Abbott listened to them. Considered them. And most-dangerously, acted on them.

Then he (gulp) issued a statewide mask-mandate.

Not long afterwards, the skies inside the state's GOP headquarters turned black. Lightning flashed. Thunder boomed. The end of days had arrived. The state's Republican leadership swung into action. If they didn't, lives would be saved. Curves flattened. Economies offered a long-term chance at restoration.

First there was a social media smear campaign. Abbott was painted as a mask-wearin' sissy. Then 130 Republican leaders vowed to censure him. Resolutions slandering the governor filled the air.

Then they looked inwards. If they had lost Abbott, someone—or something—was to blame.

The party's brain trust  (yes—that's a thing) spent days picking lint from their navels, because nothing precludes a deep dive like lint. Just ask your dryer. How many deep thoughts has it had lately?

James Dickey, the sitting chairman, was fired. Apparently, he had transmitted the common sense virus to Abbott that lead the newly life-loving governor astray. Left unexplained was if Dickey were also infected, why didn't he resign from the party as opposed to being marginalized by it?

At any rate, it was decided Texas needed a genuine, ass kickin' right-winger to get the state back on track. And they found him.

Allen West is a tried and true, one-hundred percent freak-a-zoid. And he just happens to be African-American, a fact which state Republicans can exploit until November third.

Trump loves him because as a U.S. Army lieutenant colonel, West fired a gun at an Iraqi policeman's head during an interrogation. And as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, characterized then-president Obama as a “low-level socialist agitator”.

And West is already borrowing liberally from the Book of Trump. In a video address to delegates, West reiterated his ability to issue executive orders (huh?) and referred to Abbott's mask mandate as “tyranny” and called it a “new battleground.”

However much I love the sights and sounds of Republican infighting, there is a sad truth here. And that is the hypnotized, heartened by the conservative anti-mask response, will continue to embrace it.

As I have stated before, I fully support the conservative death wish. At least in theory. It is my wish that every right-winger in the land refuse to wear a mask, congregate in tightly-packed indoor spaces and drink from one another's cups until dead.

Alas, the COVID virus has shown no ability to discern those who want it to thrive from those who wish to extinguish it. In other words, despite Republican's pro-life COVID stance, it won't just kill them.

It infects, sickens and kills indiscriminately.

Mr. West, it seems if anyone should be crying “Tyranny!” it is those of us who understand and respect the power and the scope of this threat to humanity, and yet risk illness and even death thanks to the politicized beliefs of the most-childish, selfish and ignorant elements of our society.

Texas Republicans are a panicked collection of people grasping at straws over something they can't shout or shoot away. At best, they lack the intestinal fortitude to face the challenges presented by sheltering in place, mask-wearing and social-distancing.

At worst, they appear willing to sacrifice everything (i.e. your life) for the economy. It must survive at any and all costs. How else to sustain the financial edge their favored brand of political leadership enjoys?

As it always has been, this is what is at the center of Republican action: politics and power—above all. 

 

The Sad, Giant Foam Finger of American Exceptionalism

I have forgotten who originated the expression be careful what you wish for—you just might get it. But its relevance to 2020 America is unmistakable.

This spring, we witnessed the outrage of those who (like their president), felt the Corona virus was a wildly-exaggerated hoax perpetuated by liberals and their media. They reacted in kind, crying “We don't need no stinking masks!”

They even accused the medical professionals trying to keep us safe and the pols who listened to them of tyranny.

So they opened their bars and their restaurants and their beaches in defiance of the fearful liberals who cautioned against this based on the advice of accredited experts like the Center for Disease Control.

All these months later, those oppressed Republican enclaves like Arizona, Florida and Texas are being subsumed by exploding COVID-19 infection rates.

But at least they didn't listen to liberals, right? That counts for something, right?

In the middle-school lunchroom that is the setting for so much of our political (for lack of a better word) debate, denial has become the flavor du jour of Republicans. Deny science. Deny facts. Deny, deny, deny. If it didn't spring from the mouth of Sir Lies-A-Lot, it is a baldfaced, well, lie.

And since Donald denied the seriousness of the pandemic and has refused to accept any responsibility whatsoever for it, COVID-19 has been handed an extended-stay visa with only the most feeble and occasional federal oversight.

Anybody have one of those giant foam fingers proclaiming we're number-one?

Despite their obnoxious posturing and my outraged reaction to it, I take no pleasure in the grim stories unfolding in Florida and Arizona and Texas.

Rather, I am deeply troubled, wondering how we could be so blinded and corrupted by our political biases not to see a common threat for what it was.

It has placed everything all of us know and love in grave danger.

Donald's Tulsa, Oklahoma Adventure

There was a great to-do surrounding Sir Lies A-Lot's campaign rally over the weekend in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

First, it was scheduled on Juneteenth, a celebration of the emancipation of all slaves living in Texas. Secondly, it also fell uncomfortably close to the ninety-ninth anniversary of the race-based massacre which scarred the city for decades.

Trump's handlers said it was an unfortunate coincidence and re-scheduled the rally for the next night.

However much I want to believe it was a deliberate provocation of black America, given the abundant ignorance that exists within the Trump administration I tend to believe them—this time.

And after all, it's an election year. And as that fact slowly dawns on us, it was expedient for Trump to make nice. 

But nothing beginning with Trump ever ends nice, does it?

There was the obnoxious tweet to “protestors, anarchists, agitators, looters or lowlifes” that they would not be treated as kindly as they had been in the (presumably) soft-on-crime liberal enclaves of New York City, Seattle and Minneapolis.

Now that's the Donald we all know and love.

But my favorite moment was the introduction of the waiver. People wanting to attend Trump's rally had to sign a waiver forfeiting their right to sue Trump and/or his re-election campaign should they contract the Corona virus.

For an administration bent on denying the existence of the pandemic and its extended stay in the United States, it was a curious admission that yes, it's still out there. More specifically, that it is blowing up in Oklahoma.

But this begs a couple of questions. One, when has Trump ever taken responsibility for anything? And two, when has his base ever held him accountable for anything?

Let's face it: Sir Lies-A-Lot could infect their daughters with chlamydia and they'd only pat him on the back and ask was it good for you?

Oh, the irony.

But the punch line for this sad and sordid event didn't arrive until Sunday, when Trump's designated explainer-away told us that the reason for the one-third full arena wasn't the Corona virus or Trump's fading appeal but the threat presented by protestors.

You know, the same protestors Trump promised would be beaten into next week if they dared showed their wretched, socialist faces at his showcase event. It's interesting that those out-of-control hordes never materialized, which leaves me wondering how they obstructed would-be attendees.

I guess you have to be Republican.

The story just gets sadder. And funnier. And sadder.

When will it end?

Convergence

A population driven mad by months of relentless anxiety. Isolation. Job loss. Rumor. Fear. Divisiveness.

A cop.

And a black man passing counterfeit bills.

It shouldn't have gone this far. But it did.

I am aware that black people do not trust law enforcement to the degree that white people do. And yet, I find myself still needing to ask this question: why do so many black men and women resist police? Why do so many fight law enforcement every step of the way in each and every encounter?

Has no one ever told you that when you come across an agitated dog the worst thing you can do is run? That this is only excites the dog's chase instinct and increases the likelihood that you will know what it's like to have a portion of your anatomy inside a dog's mouth?

I often wonder if there's a cause-and-effect problem at work here. Do black people resist because they fear the worst in any encounter with police? Or do cops get tough with blacks because they resist so frequently?

I have had encounters with police, too. And let me make this clear: I don't harbor unconditional love for law enforcement. They are a necessary evil. But if you're smart, you chill. You put a lid on it. You clench. 

Believe it or not, you're in control. You can either agitate the police or you can de-escalate the situation.

For all police know, you're Crazy Luther. And you've murdered seventeen people and cooked 'em over a spit by the railroad tracks.

Show them your ID. Tell them what you're doing in this part of town. Again, chill. The cops are only doing their job. You want to sleep in your own bed tonight, right?

Of course, if you are Crazy Luther, you won't see this as the best way forward. And your actions will scream “Guilty!” to the police. They will react in kind.

The snippets of video I've seen indicate that prior to being put on the pavement, George Floyd was combative. He provoked law enforcement's chase reflex to find, subdue and arrest the bad guy.

Before you nominate me for an honorary membership in the Klu Klux Klan, let me continue.

Derek Chauvin was a cop. And like the rest of us, he was probably feeling pretty pent-up himself.

We Americans react very poorly when we are told we can't do something. It is (or was) Derek Chauvin's job to keep us on the straight and narrow.

As a cop, he is lied to regularly. Every person he detains is innocent. Every person he restrains can't breathe.

George Floyd was just another belligerent black guy trying to manipulate him and the circumstances of his detention. What reason did Chauvin have to believe that Floyd truly couldn't breathe after hearing “Wolf!” so very many times before?

Chauvin's fatal error was in not realizing that Floyd couldn't breathe. That Floyd's pleas were genuine. The hardened cop kept his knee on Floyd's neck for upwards of eight minutes. Deprived of oxygen, Floyd died.

We have here the intersection of massive stereotyping. Prejudice. Floyd's assumption that as a black man he would only receive the worst from police and not be given the slightest opportunity to prove otherwise.

And Chauvin's assumption that Floyd was lying. And that since he continued to resist, he required severe tactics meant to lock-down his detention.

It is a book of sorrow.

Stir in an agitated population rife with cabin fever and anxiety and looking for something, anything to take the edge off and along comes a made-to-order disaster.

Yes, the death of George Floyd was cause for a civil rights demonstration.

And it worked. All involved have been fired from the Minneapolis Police Department. The lead culprit has been arrested and is facing second-degree murder charges. Let's hope the ensuing trial doesn't turn into the farce a similar trial did here in Chicago.

Okay. So the object of your derision is in jail. You got what you wanted. Go home.

But you couldn't. And didn't.

Too often, a demonstration is an excuse to burn stuff and break windows. And if the broken window happens to be at a department store, that entitles you to a free pasta maker. Or sheets. Or a case of giardiniera.

Whatever you can get your hands on.

I used to work in downtown Chicago. And I happened to be returning to work after lunch when the news broke that Harold Washington (Chicago's first black mayor) had died.

Let me add he wasn't hung from a tree by guys in white robes. The cause of death was a heart attack.

Nevertheless, a small-scale riot broke out. Windows were smashed. Cars were stopped. Windows and sheet metal were banged on. A liquor store's windows were shattered. Bottles were snatched.

I watched in disbelief.

This wasn't an expression of grief. It was an excuse to act like a shit and get free stuff.

So I find myself in the awkward position of kinda sorta agreeing with (gulp) Donald Trump's tweet. Demonstrating doesn't mean complimentary consumer goods. Ever. I feel no empathy for those exploiting this event to burn and loot.

But whatever our view of Trump, we are a nation riled-up by him. He thrives on that. Distraction. Sleights of hand. Provocation. Feints. Loud voices. Anger. Chaos.

It is what he does best.

Ensconced in the hot house bubble of a pandemic, we are even more susceptible to him. And while we're screaming at each other, Trump wants to forbid the government from issuing economic reports until after the election. He is issuing executive orders prohibiting social media from fact-checking him.

“We're here today to defend free speech from one of the gravest dangers it has faced in American history” he said last week without a trace of irony. Even as he demands his lies go unchecked and his failures as a president stay hidden and unreported.

Toxicity has never been so transparent.

If you're white, you need to acknowledge something: if America weren't a sexist and racist nation, Donald Trump would not be president. He....this....is the price of our hatred. Our prejudice.

We are a nation in desperate need of healing. Two groups of extremists who need to back away from the edges.

But how do we do this? Where do we begin?

Maturing would be a good start. You know, acting like grown-ups. Adulting. Realizing that the definition of 'tyranny' so many of us are throwing around is the equivalent of a tween calling his parents 'fascists' after their smartphone privileges have been revoked for a weekend.

Oh that we should ever know real, honest-to-God tyranny.

It's easy to hate people you don't know. It's even easier to reduce them to one-dimensional caricatures. Like I do with conservatives and folks who belong to the NRA.

Which is why I advocate for leaving our hyper-demographic social media bubbles. Engaging with whomever we define as the enemy. Get to know them. And find another way forward.

Because this isn't working. In fact, it will likely destroy us.

Just Sayin'

What is it with Donald Trump and Hydroxychloroquine? It's been dismissed as a potential antidote for COVID19, yet Trump works it into the conversation nearly every chance he gets.

I'm guessing Donald bit on it as a potential cure for the Coronavirus and owns a controlling interest. Desperate to make his money back, he's pitching it as a general cure-all that fixes whatever is wrong and enhances that which is not.

Feel free to add your Snake Oil salesman joke here:

Death by Republican

Dear Lockdown Protester,

Suffering this tyrannical assault on your civil liberties must be very painful. As are the tyrannical measures which kept you alive. Let me say how very sorry I am.

How thoughtless of the rest of us.

To paraphrase a sign seen at several protests: “My health doesn't end where your impatience begins!”

Reasoned, well thought-out measures were put into place by people way smarter than us to simultaneously protect us and prevent the spread of this highly-contagious virus. Measures like requiring a state show a sustained, two-week decline in COVID19 infections before it be considered for re-opening.

But someone on Facebook told you that was stupid—even fearful, so it is.

We have yet to test even two-percent of the population. Again, people way smarter than us feel capriciously re-opening densely populated urban areas because we're anxious and bored amounts to posting I heart COVID19 memes on our social media accounts.

You don't want it to leave. You want it to stick around, like it was Tom Brady or Laura Ingraham that dropped in and you can't bear to see it/them depart. How will normalcy ever be the same after a celebrity crush has popped in?

Look on the bright-side. Your president has mandated that meat processing plants remain open despite being confirmed hot spots for COVID19 infections. You can feed your death wish by consuming all the pork, poultry and beef these plants can crank out, and your survivors won't be able to sue thanks to your president's generous offer of immunity.

What a great leap forward towards the dystopia you so obviously crave.

I haven't seen a breakdown, but I suspect most of you are Republicans. Again, I apologize for your continued existence. I am as unhappy about it as you are.

To the woman who said “We can't pay taxes when we're dead”, I offer this: We won't be able to engineer a better, safer way forward, either.

I pray we are able to manage the second wave better than we did the first. Practice, I am told,  makes perfect.


Sincerely,

La Piazza Gancio

The United States of Stupid (Chapter Two)

In urban areas across the U.S., conservatives are assembling (often in groups of more than fifty), turning a blind eye to social-distancing guidelines and as they do so very, very well, ignoring facts.

Like the ones which point out that the Coronavirus has yet to run its course, and isn't even close to receding. Not when states like Georgia and Massachusetts and Illinois continue to post record numbers of new cases and Corona-related deaths.

But what's a pandemic compared to being able to trot down to your favorite mall, restaurant or movie theatre and spread the Coronavirus to friends and strangers alike? Or go back to work and congregate at the a.) water cooler b.) coffee-maker or c.) lunchroom microwave and share not only your heroic stories of sheltering in place but the Coronavirus, too?

Now if we could reach some kind of accord wherein conservatives would only infect other conservatives, I'd sign off on that faster than Donald Trump can inform you of his magnificence. I mean, fuck 'em. Good riddance.

Sadly, this is not possible.

Barrack Obama observed a few years ago that Donald Trump is not the cause of our failing society, but a symptom of it. To my ears, this is simply the most brilliant thing the ex-President has ever said.

Our towering egos, our impatience, our selfishness and our ignorance is reflected verbatim in the preening, sneering, arrogant puss of the creature who currently calls the White House home. The Open America Now protests are only the best example.

Information technology has created in us the feeling that we're geniuses because we can look things up on Google. Education and experience have been cheapened. “I don't care if you spent four years in pharmacology school! I looked it up online and you're wrong!”

The legions of medical professionals cautioning us against returning to normal so soon don't know what they're talking about. That 'Take Back America' page on Facebook will set those lockdown lib-tards straight!

In this, the age of conspiracy theories, let me add one more to the sewer-bound torrent: I think this is a plot by conservatives to start another round of Coronavirus infections and give Donald Trump another chance at getting his response right. 

Yep. The best way to revive the economy is with another round of COVID19 infections! 

Yay!

Our political divide has never been pretty. Wouldn't it be ironic if it was fatal?

As a young man, I had a great deal of interest in the Dark Ages. I couldn't understand how after centuries of progress, a civilization could go backwards. It was like a river reversing its course and flowing upstream.

Now I know.

P.S. When do we begin burning witches?

Now? Really?

With one-hundred percent of Americans tested, an effective anti-dote now available and new cases shrinking to numbers barely visible with the naked eye, The Great Man is pushing hard for us to jump into our cars, hop on our trains and ride our buses back to work.

As he eagerly tweeted today, LIBERATE MINNESOTA! LlBERATE MICHIGAN! LIBERATE VIRGINIA! 

Aided and abetted by the same noisy, mentally-challenged folk who put him in the White House (who are actually protesting the measures being taken to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus and, by extension, themselves) Trump adopted a softer tone at today's (cough) news briefing.

But given his abject fear of a campaign-crashing recession, you have to know he'll be working tirelessly behind the scenes, twisting arms and making threats. It must be remembered: Donald loves power even more than he loves money and celebrity. He will stop at nothing to quench his thirst.

(Personally, I'm just sorry there wasn't a camera pointed at his crotch as he riffed on the limitless power of the president earlier this week.)

Almost as bad are those of us moaning about being bored, pandemic or not. Yes, pandemics suck. I'm sorry. But your boredom is the price we have to pay. Besides, you were never promised that life would be a stream of unlimited, twenty-four seven entertainment. Deal with it.

Can we agree the ADHD among us should never, ever make this decision?

We know so little about the Coronavirus. Can't we at least develop a vaccine before we resume stuffing our offices and our transportation networks? Or test more than one-percent of the population before having factory workers return to working side by side on the nation's assembly lines?

How about waiting until N95 surgical masks return to their pre-pandemeic prices before we send workers back cutting meat and processing our fruit and vegetables? Is waiting for hand sanitizer to make a return to grocery store shelves asking too much?

In an administration fraught with stupidity, recklessness and selfishness, this is Trump at his most-stupid, most-reckless and most-selfish. The well-being of America's citizenry should be treated like a star athlete and not be returned to action until all concerned are absolutely sure they are ready.

Which isn't now.

To outraged conservatives, I say this: we need to clench. We need to stay calm and understand this thing, eradicate it and make sure we're much-better prepared the next time a virus emerges.

Given our level of unpreparedness and the unwillingness of so many of us to shelter in place because it's inconvenient and worse—boring—we need to step it up. Big time. This ain't no game.

I want to live. And I want you to live. And if Trump doesn't win re-election, life will go on.

I promise.

Co-existing with COVID19

As a frequent critic of America and Americans, I am forced to set aside my misanthropic tendencies and remark on the amazing-ness happening all around us.

Many businesses—open by necessity to the public—have done a remarkable job of adapting protective measures for their employees and customers while still remaining accessible and open for business.

Take the simple genius of designating one set of doors as entrance-only and another for exit-only. This allows pedestrians to avoid face-to-face encounters, which I'm guessing are the most-effective at spreading the Coronavirus.

One-way aisles are another. And for the same reasons as dedicated entrances and exits. Some stores are even limiting the number of patrons at any given time to ensure that social-distancing is not theoretical.

And lastly, we have the surgical masks presumably supplied by employers for the safety of both their employees and their customers. While you could argue these masks have a higher purpose in ERs and ICUs and other medical settings, preventing the spread of infections is likewise critical.

Gay, straight, black, white, male, female, boomer or young Z Gen just beginning to make their way in the world, we all go to the grocery store. (It is perhaps the last thing we have in common.) It is obvious that preventive measures should be in place not only there, but up and down the food chain.

Trump and his rampant deregulation couldn't have offered a bigger target for COVID19 as far as this sector of the economy is concerned, and we are beyond lucky it wasn't impacted more-seriously than it was.

There are the trucks drivers supplying those stores, and the warehouse workers loading those trucks. Think of where we'd be without them.

Then there are the CNAs and nurses and social workers who do at-home care and continue to visit their patients, even at great risk to themselves. In a better world, they would receive automatic immunity for their selflessness.

The bank employees maintaining our access to our money. The postal employees making sure we get our mail. The restaurant owners and employees doing their best to offer us the delights most of us are unable to create in our own kitchens (if not for lack of trying).

Firemen and EMTs are still putting out fires and responding to medical emergencies. The police are still policing and making sure things don't get too far out of hand.

And then there are the doctors and nurses in the belly of the beast, working under conditions I can't begin to imagine. In hot spots like New York City, I don't know how they do it. How do they overcome the mental and physical fatigue? The mounting despair? The collective weight of desperate patients begging and pleading with them to save their lives? The needs and demands of their families? The conveyor belt of corpses?

Calling it overwhelming doesn't seem sufficient. And I haven't even touched on the shortages of essential equipment and supplies.

I wish I could offer something other than my eternal regard.

While we have seen the worst of us (the hoarders attempting to exploit the pandemic through online marketplaces, the senseless churches who confuse the restrictions on public gatherings as an assault on their right to practice religion and just about anything having to do with Donald Trump), we have seen the best of us.

We have the benefit of medical professionals who know what to do to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus. All we have to do is listen.

I mean, how easy is that?

Yes, tens of millions of people have lost their jobs. But unlike the Great Recession, the feeling here is that recovery will happen comparatively quickly. You should remember that markets weren't depressed for financial reasons. They crashed owing to a pandemic.

People cannot wait for things to return to normal. We will shop. We will eat out. We will go to the movies, watch ballgames and listen to music en masse. And attending these activities along with us will be our wallets and handbags. 

Americans are perhaps the world's most-impatient people, but if we can be the people we say we are on Facebook, this will be easy-peasy.

LPG out.

Leadershit

I'll admit to being incapable of suppressing a smirk at the news that British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, a proponent of letting the Coronavirus burn through the population and damn the consequences, tested positive himself.

As Donald Trump's tousle-haired twin, the irony couldn't have been greater.

Turning stateside, well, we have Donald.

After shutting down the National Security Council Directorate for Global Health Security and Biodefense because pandemics don't really happen, Trump then referred to the COVID19 outbreak as a hoax.

When the brighter lights surrounding him advised the president that it was a thing, Trump downplayed it, waving his little pink hand and stating at a February 28^th news conference that it would “disappear”.

While technically correct, this is—at best—a half-truth. Yes, the virus will run its course and recede. But not before it takes thousands and thousands of lives.

Trump's haphazard response means the United States (with a population roughly one-quarter of China's) has already surpassed China not only in the number of confirmed infections, but deaths.

This with the COVID19 wave yet to crest.

Naturally, the fart-in-a-suit will tell anyone within earshot that his administration has done an amazing job of handling the crisis, and that everything is under control. And as the hypnotized do, Trumpers will believe him.

Really? This is what "under control" looks like? Have you visited a New York City hospital?

Sigh. If only Donald's bullshit were an endangered species.

Like his pal Boris, COVID19 presents both an opportunity and a problem for President Petulant.

Donald is determined to gut Social Security after determining it helps the one-percent not one iota. But even he has to know this is a very high-risk proposition, and would face towering opposition in the House and Senate.

I can almost hear Trumpy-bear's thoughts: “Hmmm. There's a virus creeping around that will disproportionately affect those over sixty-five. You know, that would take care of my Social Security problem and I don't have to lift a finger. My God! My thinking is like my phone calls! They're perfect! No wonder I'm president!”

But then Trumpy-bear remembers he's up for re-election. And that the longer COVID19 lingers, the worse the effect on his economy. And since he's been trumpeting (sorry) his powerhouse economy for most of his presidency, that could be a serious problem.

What to do?

It's a question Donald is still struggling with. He invokes the Defense Production Act one day, and the next declares that Americans want to get back to work and that this must happen by Easter. Are you listening COVID19? The president has spoken.

He gets juvenile with governors who don't kiss his ring, oversteps his authority and contradicts himself or the medical professionals in his administration every other day or so.

But one thing is crystal clear: Trumpy-bear is overmatched.

Ultimately, his biggest problem may be the Republican strongholds of Florida and Texas, states stuffed with the same belligerent, it's-my-right types who elected him. Worse, their Republican governors refuse to take the Coronavirus seriously, clinging to Trump's initial assertions that it is a liberal hoax and nothing to worry about.

Did I mention they happen to be the second and third most-populous states in the union? 

Yeah.

That same Republican intellect is also on display at Liberty University, which through (cough) privately-funded research has determined that COVID19 no longer poses a threat and will re-open the school immediately. 

Have you shared this news with Trumpy-bear? And if not, why?

Like I said, the country with four-times as many people had fewer infections and fewer deaths. And Corona hasn't even peaked. There's a reason for that.

Lift an urgent prayer to the heavens, people. And vote Democrat in November.